A number of years ago I read a few books by David Richo, and this is someone who really knows what he is talking about. Whether it is relationships or self-development in general, his books are packed full of insights.
When I read two of his books towards the end of 2013, I had recently gone through a painful break up. I was looking for answers and I came across plenty of things to think about – and apply – by reading these books.
A Few Quotes
This was a time when I read, ‘How To Be An Adult’, and, ‘How To Be An Adult In Relationships’. There were two things that he said that really stood out, so I saved them as two quotes on my phone.
The first was, “the commitment to work through problems as they arise is the only sign that we truly want full intimacy”, and the second one was, “what was cute in romance may become acute in conflict.” I think that while it is clear what the first one means, the second one is not as clear.
A Closer Look
When I think about this quote it makes me think about how a certain trait can be appealing at the beginning of a relationship, only to end up being a problem as time goes by. At the beginning it will be perceived in one way, and, as time goes by, it will be perceived in another.
Being high on oxytocin – along with focusing on other traits – can play a part in why something is not perceived as a problem early on. Each person can be caught up in how they feel and the idealised image they have created of the other, thereby making it difficult for them to think and to see the other person clearly.
This Will Pass
Once they start to settle down emotionally and are able to think and to see more clearly, their view of the other person is going to change. They will no longer be floating in the clouds; their feet will be back on the earth.
One person can come to believe that the other person has changed, even though they might be doing the very things that they did when they first got together. Taking all this into account, It is not hard to see why being in ‘love’ is seen as being tantamount to being high on drugs.
A Few Examples
So, when someone starts dating another person, they may appreciate how this person makes the big decisions, allowing them to sit back, so to speak. Or, they might admire how outgoing they are, and how they can easily start conversations with others.
However, as time goes by being around someone who makes the decisions can result in them feeling trapped and as though they are unable to express themselves. And being with someone who is so outgoing can result in them feeling ignored, jealous, and they may fear that their partner will cheat.
When something like this happens, it will be a good idea for one to step back and to see what is taking place. If they can do this is it will allow them to take responsibility for their own baggage and this will minimize the amount of conflict that arises.
A lot of the issues with have in our present day relationships go back to what took place during our early years. This is something that David Richo talks about in his book, ‘When The Past Is Present.’