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Love in Marriage

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Real Love in Marriage relationship

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not
itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is
not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in
the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all
things. Charity never faileth…

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love needs an object towards which it may direct its attention, care and resources. Love gives
and is therefore rewarded; the man is rewarded with a helpmate, the woman with someone to love
her and provide her with security.
There are three types of love that must be practised in marriage.1 All three types are important
for a happy marriage:

  1. Agape
  2. Phileo
  3. Eros
  4. Agape2
    But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners,
    Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should
be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew
him not.

1 John 3:1

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it;

Ephesians 5:25
(a) “Agape” is normally described as the God-kind of love, which says, “I love you
in spite of this issue.” It is a willingness to accept the other person for who he/she
is without expecting a change into “the ideal spouse” in shape, form, size, or
intellect. This means that even if your spouse never reduces/increases in size or
becomes better at any other area, you are still prepared to walk in love.3

(b) It is unconditional. It does not love on condition that the other partner is well-
behaved. That is, the husband does not say that, “I will love her if she submits to

me.” Nor should the wife say that, “I will love and submit to him if only he can
be a bit more loving according to the Bible.”4
(c) One must decide to love only one’s spouse and no other person.
(d) “Agape” love is sacrificial and therefore will go the extra mile to give time,
attention, gifts etc.
(e) This type of love has to be a conscious decision. You walk in love because the
Word of God commands you to love your spouse.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it;

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Colosians 3:19
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness …That
they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their

Titus 2:3-4

(f) This type of love covers a multitude of sins and does not refer to a person’s past
sins and mistakes.
Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

Proverbs 10:12
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter
separateth very friends.

Proverbs 17:9

Model Marriage

(g) The “agape” kind of love trusts (“… believeth all things”) and therefore is not
suspicious of the other spouse’s every move and associations. Your love must
move you to a position of trust so that you do not relate to your spouse with
suspicion; questioning motives and prejudging his/her actions especially in
relation to the opposite sex.5

  1. Phileo
    Let brotherly love continue.

Hebrews 13:1
(a) This has to do with brotherly love. It is the sort of love that binds siblings.6
(b) Brotherly love must also continue in marriage.
(c) This aspect of love which provides friendship and respect must be present in the
(d) You must be able to chat with each other, play together, tease each other, etc.
(e) Talk about your interests, e.g. politics, etc.
(f) Be supportive of each other.
(g) Defend each other.

  1. Eros
    Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all
    times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverbs 5:19

(a) “Eros” is sexual love.

(b) Romance must be present in every marriage. It is not only for beloveds or newly-
weds per se. You must continue with things like having lunch/dinner together,

taking walks, visiting people, etc.

NB: These three types of love must be present and working together all the time. One or two
without the other(s) is incomplete and impracticable. They are mutually reinforcing.

  • Marriage without AGAPE is chaotic and selfish and is usually full of quarrels.
  • Marriage without PHILEO leads to a wicked husband or an unkind wife.
  • Marriage with only EROS love usually has short-lived happiness.
  • Marriage without EROS usually strains the relationship of the couple and
    leads to adultery.
Ruth Michael

Written by Ruth Michael

Ruth Perce is a noted relationship writer associated with She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.


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